Francis of Assisi.

Painting of St. Francis by the Spanish artist, El Greco.

A little bit ago I was writing down today’s date and I realized that today is the feast of St. Francis of Assisi.  Saint Francis reportedly died on October 4, 1226.

(For non-Catholics:  Feast days are liturgical days generally celebrated on the anniversary of the death of the saint.)

As a religious, I was a member of community of women who followed the Third Order Regular Rule of St. Francis.  The “First Order” are ordained priests, the “Second Order” are the cloistered “Poor Clares” (founded by Clare of Assisi) and all the rest, men and women, are “Third Order”.

I am reminded of one of the few jokes I remember well enough to repeat:  What are the three things that not even God knows?  1) How much money the Vatican has  2) What the Jesuits will do next and  ….. wait for it …. 3) How many Franciscans  there are in the world.

But seriously, I do not take my Franciscan heritage lightly.  I have very little patience for the insipid images of Francis with animals and birds.  Francis was a man of great passion.  Not unlike Siddhattha Gotama, Francis was born into some wealth that he renounced as a young man.  One of my favorite stories is that of Francis in the town square, taking off his clothes and returning them to his father and walking away naked.  Now there is passion.  Here is a man taking a stand.  Here we see both the Buddha and the Saint walking away from a “good” life and becoming mendicants.  Both become ascetics.

Sometimes, I think that we are all called not so much to join “Franciscan” or “Buddhist” groups, but to actually reach that Buddha or Francis nature within us that calls us to live authentically who we are, no matter what the cost.   No matter from whom we must walk away.

To all Franciscans everywhere:  Happy Feast Day!

St. Francis’ Canticle of the Sun

Christianities and Buddhisms.

Here is something I have come to understand … there are just as many forms of Buddhism as there are Christianity. (Why don’t we call it Christianism? Or Budhanity?)  Growing up in a nearly exclusively Christian culture, it would not suffice to simply say that one is “Christian” …. the response would often be, “But what Church do you go to?  What denomination are you a member of?” Of course, there are those out there who call themselves “Christians”, but generally to the exclusion of some Christians, such as Catholics.  Every year, when I teach Global History and we discuss the development of faith traditions, without fail at least one student will proclaim that Catholics are not Christians. ( I remember my stepmother was a member of a small, community Christian church and she thought Catholics were akin to devil worshippers.)

So, I am finding, it is  true in Buddhism.  For decades I have harbored an interest in Buddhism, however I would quickly become so confused when confronted with all the different kinds of Buddhism and words that were so foreign to me that my head would spin and I would simply give up.  Finally, I decided I was going to stick with it ……. and now I see that the very confusion I had experienced is probably similar to what someone who grows up in a non-Christian culture would experience when learning about Christianity.  Within Christianity there is more than the Catholics (and all of their “varieties”) and the mainline Protestants (with their own different sub groups) but all the small community-based, storefront churches as well. What is a Buddhist, a Muslim, a Hindu to do when confronted with all this?

So it has been with me as I learned about Theraveda, Mahayana, Zen, Tibetan, Pure Land, Vajrayana, etc.  Once I began to at least attain a basic understanding, the next question began to arise …. so which one should I study and/or follow??  In fact, I hear this question quite often among those who are searching for a path.

Here is my reflection on this question ….. first, I asked myself, how did I choose to become Catholic?  Well, I didn’t really, now did I.  It was a decision that was made for me by by parents, my family, my cultural and national heritage.  Hmmm …well, my parents or my family are not going to be making THIS decision for me.  I am not aware of an English or Polish tradition of Buddhism, so I have no cultural group to return to ….. and I certainly don’t want to choose the WRONG Buddhism to learn about ………… after all, I already have 50 years into this Catholicism, I am not so sure I am going to have another 50 years to develop my understanding of Buddhism, so I had better get it right!!! (Maybe, if I am lucky, in my next rebirth I will be BORN into the right one!!!)

Here is how I have answered this question for myself …. I have decided to simply pay attention to where I am.  It was a rather synchronous series of events that led me to reading the works of the American women, Pema Chodron, who is a Buddhist nun.  I have read other authors, but there is something in what she says, or how she says it that just really speaks to me in a way that others don’t quite match.  I appreciate the fact that she has spent more than half of her lifetime studying the Dharma, synthesizing the teachings and now offers them from a perspective that I can understand and to which I can relate.  What I have heard from reading her books and listening to talks she has given (recorded talks, I have not had the pleasure of hearing her in person) has literally changed the way I am present to this world, this life.  So, just as I was literally born into conditions that resulted in my being Catholic, so, in a way, I was “born” into a Buddhism as taught by this teacher.  The teachings that she has presented, I realize, are born of a long tradition …. and to the degree that I accept and live these teachings, then to that degree I am a part of this particular tradition.  So be it. Perhaps there will come a day when I have exhausted an understanding of these teachings ….. but at this point, it is unlikely (if not impossible) that it will be during this particular birth!!!!

I sense that at some point, there is a parsing of dogmas and traditions in both Christianity and Buddhism (and other faith traditions as well) that results in some simple core truth that is common to all despite sects, doctrines and dogmas.  An “essence”, if you will.  If I can but touch at some sense of this “essence”, then all else is of little importance.

Triduum/Holy Thursday

I have been a student of Christianity, specifically Roman Catholicism, for the vast majority of my 50 years; a student of Buddhism for just about a year now …..

This year, I enter into this liturgical Triduum with unease ….. I am losing my grip on so many things that I have held onto for decades. I am not as unsettled by this as I may have been in the past. Part of what I seek is “non-attachment”. However, sometimes I think I am falling into a “non-attachment” that is more of a separation than it is a unification with all things. Oh well …….

I have taken up reading the works of Ken Wilber ….. his name has cropped up so often in so many places … so I decided to start at the beginning with “Spectrums of Consciousness” … anyway, in there I have read a reference to an image that I cannot shake. It is the idea of a finger pointing to the moon ….. and the admonition to not mistake the finger for the the moon to which it is pointing. Catholicism is a VERY symbolic tradition. I think most would agree with this. It has become my experience, however, that we have often mistaken the symbol for that to which it “points” us.

In regards to the Bible …. I have long ago let go of reading it literally, as I did the first time I read it at the age of 13. I do now try to understand it within it’s historical, cultural and political contexts. I have great difficulty when anyone says “Did not Jesus say….”. This question does not seem to be a question at all, for the person asks it is not really trying to engage you in an exchange, but simply telling you, for fact, this IS what Jesus said. Well ….. who knows the answer to if he said it or not??? No one KNOWS for sure. One may choose to believe so because s/he have chosen to believe in a compilation of writings that are the written accounts set down some 50-80 years after the statement was made and then were not even “canonized” for another 300-400 years. This is all well and good for them …. and I think that to most of us, then, their position is clear. The query ‘Did not Jesus say…’ really becomes a statement of their belief and it has not been my experience that this has ever lead to an open conversation entertaining the idea that well, no, maybe he did not say that … or, he may have said it but could he possibly have meant “this” rather than “that”?

So, I am facing the decision regarding attending Holy Thursday services this evening. I am struggling with the idea that the Catholic Church teaches that this is the night that Jesus “instituted” the ordained priesthood. In effect the Church is saying ” ‘Did not Jesus say …’ that this is how the priesthood should be?.” There is no room for the response “well … maybe he was saying this, but could he have meant something other than an all male, celibate, non-married priesthood? When he passed the cup and the bread to others, was it just to the apostles or were there others present at this meal? Was he selective or inclusive as to who shared the meal with him? So, if I attend this service, am I silently accepting what the Church teaches, or can I attend if my real heart-felt response is something else?

The image I have placed at the top of this post is a depiction of the last supper (by the Polish artist, Bodhan Piesecki, 1998) that I find to be closer to what I might imagine this Passover Meal to have been like. I, personally, believing that this is a family meal, believe women and children would not only have been present but would also have played integral parts.

Blessings and aspirations of peace and goodness to all.

Debbie

PS – I did, in fact, attend the Holy Thursday service ….. and I am glad I did.  The liturgy was beautiful …. I was in tears right at the opening hymn ….. tears not of sadness or pain, but just from allowing my heart to be touched by the beauty.

I took part in the ritual “washing of the feet” …… I took the part of one of the “feet washers” …. I tend to sit toward the back of the church, and therefore, helped at one of those stations that were in the back …… the people who came forward tended to be, then, also those who sit toward the back ….. in our case, some of the more marginalized people.  It was a profound experience to be of “service” to them in this way.  I remember one woman in particular who was all bundled up (would never know it was the first of spring here in New York!) and as she removed her shoe and sock revealed a foot so obviously bent and misformed with arthritis and other ailments.  I was just overcome with such a feeling of compassion and gentleness …. in some ways, it is as if I, the “washer” benefited far more from the experience of washing ……. hmmmmmmmmm … hard to explain …… but, anyway, yes, it was good to be there ….. it was good to be there with a mind focussed on the experiences that were good and true ….. to celebrate the inauguration of the Eucharistic meal …. and to take with it my understanding of all that it might mean, rather than to just focus on what I am told it means ……

For me, this has become the pivotal liturgy of the Triduum……

Imagery.

I have wondered why what I have read by Buddhists has helped me more in my contemplative life than what I have read from traditional Christian/Catholic writers. The closest I have come up with is the imagery used. Most often, it seems, the Christian contemplatives use Spousal imagery and what I call “flowery” language. (Such as referring to Jesus as being “dear” and “sweet”, etc.) Now, for those for whom this works …. great. But it just does not work for me.

In part, I have difficulty with the fact that those using this spousal imagery are celibate monastics who have no experience of a spousal relationship. I also have difficulty with the use of the imagery of the Church as being the “Bride” of Christ. Again, it is just something that does not work for me. I fully understand and accept that it does work for others.

Part of the reason I have difficulty with this is that this “spousal” relationship seems to never move beyond those initial stages of the “honeymoon” period. It also seems (to me) to perpetuate the idea of the “bride” as worshipping the “groom”. There is no equality in this relationship. This may be all well and good when considering that in the relationship with the divine there is an inherent inequality, however, when this imagery used by the church and celibate monastics is held up as the model for our “earthly” spousal relationships, well, I just find that problematic.

Paths.

This entry is in response to a blog entry entitled “Follow Me” found at A Catholic Woman’s Place:

Click here for the original post.

Quoted from the above blog:

“Follow me, says Christ. I had assumed I would follow the well trodden path of the Church. It is, however, as if the path is not following Him any longer. Or, maybe, there are different paths and all lead to Him. Cosmic Christ pulls everyone of us, each different, each Godde’s creation, to Him from wherever we are ….”

Just as this author states, I had assumed that the best way to answer this sense of “call” was to “follow the well trodden path of the Church” (in my case, this would be the Roman Catholic Church, but I think this may be true of any “religion” … including Buddhism), but once on that path I had difficulty “staying with the pack”, so to speak, and was forever traveling on the periphery.

Christmas day/Afternoon reflection

The gifts have been opened and all the wrappings have been discarded. The pies are out of the oven cooling. (OK, they are not really my pies. My friend’s oven stopped working this morning, so she needed to use my oven for the pies that SHE made …. I was just in charge of not burning them!) My daughter has left to go celebrate Christmas with her Father’s family. I have a few hours of quiet to myself before joining friends for Christmas dinner. This time alone on Christmas day used to bother me. I found it depressing to be alone for the mid part of the day. Now, however, I rather am glad for the time to sit back and just relax and enjoy the day.

Christmas Eve/morning reading

After the sitting meditation, I decided to do some reading. I picked up several of Pema Chodron’s books that I have (see the BOOKS page for a list) and decided it was time to reread one of them. (Which, by the way, is something I almost NEVER do … reread a book) I was drawn to The Wisdom of No Escape. It has been a good choice.

I am not exactly new to meditation. As a novice nun in a Roman Catholic community of women (eons ago), I had received some training and had made some progress. In looking back at it, I realize that it was a kind of meditation that involved a lot of discursive thought.

Catholics, Buddhists and God

As I have been reading about the dialogue between Buddhists and Catholics, I have noticed that both sides seem to make assertions and definitive statements about the other based on superficial knowledge. The most blatant area of disagreement appears to be in the existence of God. Many Christians I know consider Buddhists to be atheists. From what I have read from Buddhists, there seems to be a very literal understanding of the Christian belief in God as that old man who lives in clouds somewhere and hands down rules. From a very simplistic viewpoint, I guess these assertions could be viewed as correct … but I think that in both cases, they are incomplete.

Why Write This

So I asked myself why write this blog? For years I have played around with writing blogs and thought about starting a website but nothing really seemed to catch my attention enough to follow through. So, why now and why this topic? The best I can answer is that it just seems to feel right. Also, by doing this, I may determine some sort of structure or sense out of the countless wanderings of my mind. It is also a way to put myself “out there” in hopes of finding others who may travel similar paths. I realize that what I say will not be agreeable to some people, however, I offer it only as my experience, and do not hold it out as an exemplar for others to follow. I have spent so much of my life trying to find the “right” way to “be” …… and now I realize that there is no one right way …. we all have to find our own way.