I have been a student of Christianity, specifically Roman Catholicism, for the vast majority of my 50 years; a student of Buddhism for just about a year now …..
This year, I enter into this liturgical Triduum with unease ….. I am losing my grip on so many things that I have held onto for decades. I am not as unsettled by this as I may have been in the past. Part of what I seek is “non-attachment”. However, sometimes I think I am falling into a “non-attachment” that is more of a separation than it is a unification with all things. Oh well …….
I have taken up reading the works of Ken Wilber ….. his name has cropped up so often in so many places … so I decided to start at the beginning with “Spectrums of Consciousness” … anyway, in there I have read a reference to an image that I cannot shake. It is the idea of a finger pointing to the moon ….. and the admonition to not mistake the finger for the the moon to which it is pointing. Catholicism is a VERY symbolic tradition. I think most would agree with this. It has become my experience, however, that we have often mistaken the symbol for that to which it “points” us.
In regards to the Bible …. I have long ago let go of reading it literally, as I did the first time I read it at the age of 13. I do now try to understand it within it’s historical, cultural and political contexts. I have great difficulty when anyone says “Did not Jesus say….”. This question does not seem to be a question at all, for the person asks it is not really trying to engage you in an exchange, but simply telling you, for fact, this IS what Jesus said. Well ….. who knows the answer to if he said it or not??? No one KNOWS for sure. One may choose to believe so because s/he have chosen to believe in a compilation of writings that are the written accounts set down some 50-80 years after the statement was made and then were not even “canonized” for another 300-400 years. This is all well and good for them …. and I think that to most of us, then, their position is clear. The query ‘Did not Jesus say…’ really becomes a statement of their belief and it has not been my experience that this has ever lead to an open conversation entertaining the idea that well, no, maybe he did not say that … or, he may have said it but could he possibly have meant “this” rather than “that”?
So, I am facing the decision regarding attending Holy Thursday services this evening. I am struggling with the idea that the Catholic Church teaches that this is the night that Jesus “instituted” the ordained priesthood. In effect the Church is saying ” ‘Did not Jesus say …’ that this is how the priesthood should be?.” There is no room for the response “well … maybe he was saying this, but could he have meant something other than an all male, celibate, non-married priesthood? When he passed the cup and the bread to others, was it just to the apostles or were there others present at this meal? Was he selective or inclusive as to who shared the meal with him? So, if I attend this service, am I silently accepting what the Church teaches, or can I attend if my real heart-felt response is something else?
The image I have placed at the top of this post is a depiction of the last supper (by the Polish artist, Bodhan Piesecki, 1998) that I find to be closer to what I might imagine this Passover Meal to have been like. I, personally, believing that this is a family meal, believe women and children would not only have been present but would also have played integral parts.
Blessings and aspirations of peace and goodness to all.
Debbie
PS – I did, in fact, attend the Holy Thursday service ….. and I am glad I did. The liturgy was beautiful …. I was in tears right at the opening hymn ….. tears not of sadness or pain, but just from allowing my heart to be touched by the beauty.
I took part in the ritual “washing of the feet” …… I took the part of one of the “feet washers” …. I tend to sit toward the back of the church, and therefore, helped at one of those stations that were in the back …… the people who came forward tended to be, then, also those who sit toward the back ….. in our case, some of the more marginalized people. It was a profound experience to be of “service” to them in this way. I remember one woman in particular who was all bundled up (would never know it was the first of spring here in New York!) and as she removed her shoe and sock revealed a foot so obviously bent and misformed with arthritis and other ailments. I was just overcome with such a feeling of compassion and gentleness …. in some ways, it is as if I, the “washer” benefited far more from the experience of washing ……. hmmmmmmmmm … hard to explain …… but, anyway, yes, it was good to be there ….. it was good to be there with a mind focussed on the experiences that were good and true ….. to celebrate the inauguration of the Eucharistic meal …. and to take with it my understanding of all that it might mean, rather than to just focus on what I am told it means ……
For me, this has become the pivotal liturgy of the Triduum……
Journey of My Soul.... 
I just found your site and blog today. I have begun practicing Nichiren Buddhist chanting and I am a lifelong Catholic, who fell away for several years, although never quite let go of my faith. I came back this past year during a grueling two-year withdrawal from an anti-depressant Paxil (which left me severely emotionally, spiritually and financially scarred). I’ve had to battle severe agoraphobia and claustrophobia, depression, suicidality and anxiety that this drug left me with (I had none of these problems prior). When I came back to the church I came back to the pure faith of it, finally understanding that the rest was all man-made rules and laws over the years. In the parish I came back to I see an increasing role of married deacons and women and wonder if this isn’t Jesus slowly working to correct the notion of the all-male, celebate priesthood, which has, let’s face is, led to a lot of difficulties. I have always thought this odd. Christ was all about equality and inclusiveness and love of all people.
I agree with you on Jesus meaning something else than an all male, celibate, non-married priesthood. I can even hear Jesus’ laughter as he looks at what the men in the Church have concocted over the centuries. I have a hunch they protect their privileges as most privileged folks do.
I also imagine the Last Supper as you do :-)))
claire
An interesting site.